Confessions of Suburban IBCLCs: You Know You Are a Lactation Consultant When…
...You aren't home, your husband answers a call from a breastfeeding mom and knows what breastpump to recommend to her.
...Your son's teacher tells him she wants to talk to me about breastfeeding but HIS translation is "Miss McGillicuddy needs help with her nipples."
...You could hand express anything that has milk in it.
...You find yourself obsessing over the creation of the perfect, crocheted demo breast.
...You perform reverse pressure softening on yourself while describing it to a desperate mom over the phone.
...Your doctor's nurse, while there for your annual check-up, asks you to palpate a lump in her nipple and give your opinion on what it might be.
...Your jaw doesn't drop when you see nickel-sized nipples attached to watermelon-sized breasts on a mom with a 6 pound baby because you know nipples and breasts come in all shapes and sizes.
...You can keep a professional face when a client tells you her pediatrician's nurse, or better yet, her pediatrician tells her that her six week old baby only needs to nurse 6 times a day and should be sleeping through the night.
...You are no longer uncomfortable with your children overhearing your telephone conversations about sore nipples and engorgement. You figure someday when they are parents they will need the info too!
...Though you're not a man, you make "eye" contact with every woman's breasts before her eyes as you contemplate her breastfeeding experience or her plans to breastfeed.
...You can somehow relate every life moment back to breasts and breastfeeding.
...You learn something from every mom you meet!
...You can't sleep or "wind" down after a consult....on a lactation high for hours!!
...You are not afraid to join a mom having a good post-partum cry.
...You have been know to literally do the "happy dance" through your house when you get a message from a mom who just days before was in tears and desperate for help but today is enjoying breastfeeding and in no pain!!
...And you are not afraid to celebrate with a mom as she reaches personal milestones along her breastfeeding journey.
